ah beng jokes (part 1)

I'm not trying to be nasty here BUT i came across a website which has these ah beng's jokes.. so i'd like to share them with u..

1) With his friend from Poland

On a trip to Poland, Ah Beng met a couple and they became very good friends. One day, Ah Beng invited this Polish couple to stay with him. After a few days, Ah Beng became very suspicious of the Polish man’s wife. So he called his friend aside and said, "Do you know your wife is trying to kill you ? " His friend reacted with shock "This cannot be. We have a good marriage and have been married for 30 years. She cannot be trying to kill me". But Ah Beng persisted. "I have evidence to show that she is trying to kill you. Look what I found her using yesterday ?"

Ah Beng took out a small bottle which reads.............. "POLISH REMOVER"

2) Why is lightning faster than thunder?

Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place. Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, “Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder? Ah Beng replied, “Ai yah. So simple also you don’t know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears, mah???”

3) First day in secondary school

Ah Beng was very excited to go to Secondary School. He packed all his bags. On the way out , he shouted to Ah Lok, “Hey! Don’t forget to bring the ladder along. We will need it you know”. Ah Lok replied, “Why do we need to bring a ladder for?” Ah Beng shouted “Hey! You so fast you forget, huh. You don’t remember that we are going to a High School?”

4) Hotel Yeem Ka in Penang

Ah Beng arrived at the Penang airport and got up a taxi. The taxi driver asked Ah Beng, “Where do you want to go?” Ah Beng replied, “The Yeem-ka" hotel”. The taxi driver replied, “It must be a new one. I have not heard of it. But if you give me the address, I will be able to find it”. So they left and circled the place for one hour but could not find the hotel. So the taxi driver asked Ah Beng, “Are you sure the hotel is here? Ah Beng replied, “I am sure. It is even printed in the brochure”.

What hotel was Ah Beng looking for?

Answer : YMCA

5) Single or Married?

Ah Beng was with his American and English friends at a bar in New York. The bartender asks, “What would you like sir?”
The American replied "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
The Englishman replied : "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "And what about you, Sir?"
Ah Beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

6) Motor workshop business

Ah Beng started a car workshop. He bought the best car servicing equipment and hired all the workers he needed. Then he waited and waited but no cars came for service. After one month, he could not take it anymore and asked his friend. “Heh! Why no one come to my workshop one ah?” His friend replied, “Ah Beng, your garage is on the second floor lah”

7) Why didn't Ah Beng laugh at the comedy show?

Ah Beng went to a comedy show on Wednesday. The comedian got the whole floor laughing. But Ah Beng had a serious face all through the night. Why didn’t Ah Beng laugh?

Answer : Ah Beng took 3 days before he could understand the jokes. So he started laughing only on Saturday.

8) Car cannot start?

Ah Beng and his four friends were on a trip when the battery failed and they could not start the car. So Ah Beng said to his four friends. Maybe if we push the car and engage the gear, we can start the engine. So his 4 friends pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.

Why could Ah Beng and his friends not move the car?
Because two Ah Bengs were pushing from the front and two from behind!

9) Keys locked in the car

Ah Beng and Ah Lok mistakenly locked the car in a hurry and forgot to remove the key inside the car. Realizing the mistake, Ah Beng asked, “Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it”. “No, that won't work” answered Ah Lok. “People will think we're trying to break in”. Then Ah Beng suggested, “What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?” “No,” said Ah Lok. “People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger.” Then the “Kan Cheong” Ah Beng shouted, “We'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain and the sunroof is open”

10) At the Karaoke

Ah Beng and his friends went into a karaoke lounge. So Ah Beng requested for the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told him to re-select another song. Ah Beng was angry and kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ had insulted him. The manager had to intervene in order to calm him down. Finally, after many hours of talking, the manager managed to solve the problem when he told the DJ that the song Ah Beng had requested was actually "Unchained Melody".