to love again?

For the past 7 years, my emotion was a roller coaster..

When i was with russ, i thought i was the luckiest and happiest girl on earth.. all people could see was the happy side of me.. like most relationship, of course there were fights and arguments.. just that i never told anyone except my mum who had seen me crying countless of times..

I'm not saying that it was all bad.. russ did loved me alot and we did have our happy times.. i was already dedicated my life to him but sadly, things did not worked out for us.. my whole world crumbled down when he said he was leaving.. i was devastated.. he was my everything for the past 4 years in our relationship.. i put him as my priority, which i later realized that i shouldn't..

With what had left in me, i was trying to move on.. i thought i'd never love again.. then later i found that i was still capable to have feelings for someone.. C was there for me when i was at the lowest of my life.. he didn't judge me, he accepted my past and he helped me back up to my feet.. he made me realize that i should live for myself, not for anyone else.. slowly i fell in love with him..

My heart was already shattered but i managed somehow to find a piece of it which still had hope, to love.. i was with C for 2 years and it also had its ups and downs.. it was hard for me to love and trust someone after russ, but C was patient enough.. i suffered depression after russ ended things with me, i was suicidal.. i know i was giving C a hard time and yet he stoodby me, which made me loved him more and more..

But history repeated itself once again, C left me.. this time, my heart didn't shattered.. he just took it away with him.. now i'm left with emptiness in me.. sometimes when i'm all alone, tears will be rolling down my cheeks.. i don't feel anything except the sadness in me..

I've tried to move on.. to work my ass off, to go on a holiday and even go out on dates.. but nothing works.. on the surface i do look happy, i do laugh BUT deep inside i'm fill with sadness..

Friends been asking me if i'd love again, all i could say is.. i don't think so.. not that i'm being negative but through my experiences, those whom i had loved will leave me eventually.. so why would i open my heart and risk of getting hurt again.. furthermore i'm not capable to love again as my heart just isn't here anymore..

6 years old and still alive?

My blog is more than 6 years old now.. it all started on 22nd May 2006.. out of boredom and a place for me to channel my rants, i registered on blogspot.. i didn't do it for money nor to be 'famous'.. so as you can see, i'm not a famous blogger :P

Blogging to me is a way for me to pour out my happiness or sadness BUT instead i've been judged and called gold digger.. readers who has absolutely NO IDEA what kind of a person i am will judge me.. yes i do admit that it was my fault.. i was young and naive.. thinking that this is MY blog and i can share my thoughts, feelings, and even the things i bought.. but sadly, no one would want to read all those.. so for me to avoid all the dissing and harsh comments, i blog ONLY about things which will NOT create any controversial issue..

If you've been following my blog for the past 6 years or maybe less, you'd notice that i've completely stop blogging about my life, thoughts and feelings.. it is now only about the events i attended and some adverts.. and due to my hectic working schedule, i didn't even have time to blog as often as before..

And now, i've just changed my job and hopefully i will have time to attend more events, widen my social network, blog and to increase my blog stats :P *fingers crossed*

So stay tune people! this blog will be ALIVE once again... hopefully... hahahaha!

H-Artistry 2012?

Yes, it was the time AGAIN.. the PINNACLE of OUR 2012 trilogy!!

This time around i was put to in charge of the artists.. eg: attending to their needs, making sure their holding rooms are comfortable and etc..

The line up was :-

Alexandra Burke

Block B

Havana Brown

Starkiller

Overall, it was a good night for ALL of us.. even though it was raining and people had to brave through the bad weather and traffic, i am pretty sure EVERYONE had fun! :)

The venue was packed :-

I was DEAD tired after the show as i was running everywhere to get to the artists needs and to make sure they go to the stage..

It was a GREAT night.. for me.. as i got to talk to Alexandra Burke and chilled with her and her entourage in her room! :D

She's a VERY VERY sweet, nice and down to earth person.. and her fav food is Hazelnut chocolate! ;)

Also i took a pic with Dj Havana Brown :D

ps: photos courtesy of Hennessy Malaysia