Sunday, September 08, 2013

a good healthy relationship?

Ok, i think i have a fair share of my experience in relationships and on this post, i just want to share a few thoughts of mine on how to maintain and have a healthy relationship..

As all of you know, relationships are never easy.. be it with parents, family, friends, partner (gf/bf/wife/husband) and heck, sometimes even your dog.. most people think they can slack once they got the girl or guy.. hell no.. sometimes getting into a relationship is easy BUT no way, it is easy to maintain it.. 

Remember the time when you were just dating? all the courtship? the flowers? the dinners? the late night movies? the gateway? the giggles? the cuddles? the kisses? the brushing your hair? you GOTTA maintain it.. 

Yes, the communication, trust, and yada yada.. those are the fundamental things in a relationship.. but don't you forget, there are other things which are equally important as well..

What i've learnt.. you and your partner should have FUN together! don't just stick your lazy ass at home everyday.. take some days off and bring your partner out! yes, i know after a long day at work during the weekdays, you'd want to rest at home.. totally agree with it.. so plan.. or make time for 1 day of each weekend.. just go out, watch a movie or have a nice dinner or have a short roadtrip.. you can even visit your parents and spend time with either one family.. what i am saying is.. go out and date or have fun! for me, it would be lovely to go for roadtrips, play pool, cook, grocery shopping, go kart, attend a play, a stand up comedy, party or even learn salsa!

Secondly, you should go TRAVEL together! traveling is a good way to bond.. and both of you can visit places which you've never been before and create some new memories together.. you don't have to go far.. even by just visiting the island around malaysia, other states or visiting the neighbouring countries are good enough.. and if you got extra to spare, then you can go any part of the world that you want.. 

Thirdly, i believe it will be good IF you at least show some interest or support your partner's INTEREST

E.g.; i love cars and so does russ.. i love going out to the car gatherings with the boys.. i even sit there for hours listening to the boys talking about cars and never got bored.. also, when russ was going for his flying lessons, well.. i was there supporting him.. seating next to him when he does this studies and showing interest on it.. hence he was there talking, showing and explaining how a flight stimulator works to me!

When i was with C, i followed him to his pool session.. he is a dive master hence he teaches people to dive.. i joined him and his diving friends at meet ups.. while they were talking about diving and all, i sat there listening.. it was fun to learn new things.. and we all travel together for dive trips; even i don't dive i'd follow them out to the sea and do snorkelling..

IF you really don't like your partner's hobby or interest, whatever you do.. don't stop or try to change it.. if you can accept their interest at the early stage of the relationship, then why the hell you want them to stop or change? UNLESS if it brings harm to themselves or to you..

Forth, despite many people hate to argue.. i think having a healthy ARGUMENT is a good thing.. i don't mean you have to argue til your partner slam the door, or cry or yell and etc.. sometimes having a debate on things is a good way for you to understand each other more.. coz you tend to express yourself; your feelings and thoughts.. to me, if a couple doesn't argue or fight it either means that they both know each other too well OR they just don't bother anymore..

Fifth, KISSES and CUDDLES are IMPORTANT! some couple thinks that after a period of time, they don't even need to hold hands anymore.. it is a no-no.. especially for girls, we love to kiss and cuddle.. it gives us butterflies in our tummy.. stealing a peck out of the blue, puts a smile to our faces.. holding our hands makes us feel that you are proud to be seen with us.. 

Sixth, everyone needs some ALONE TIME.. some me time.. girls, you can't expect a guy to sit hours waiting while you do your mani and pedi or facial or hair.. some guys are willing to do so but some don't.. so cut them loose.. let them have a cup or coffee at starbucks or just lazying at home watching tv.. also, we need to have time with our own friends.. you can't just neglect friends when you have a bf and then when you're single, you find them.. don't take them for granted.. don't slot them in between so they can fill up your time while you look for a new bf.. 

Girls, also you have to understand that guys need their alone time to do some 'guys' stuff e.g.: basketball, computer / ps3 games, watching anime and etc..they need to unwind themselves too after a hard day at work.. 

For us girls, we do retail therapy! we need time to do our own things too e.g.: massage, pedi, mani, shopping, gossiping, taking selfies (hahaha)

Seventh, keeping a healthy SEX life is a way to maintain a good relationship.. you gotta spice it up a lil in the bedroom *wink* some women tend to think that giving pleasure to the husband is their 'job'.. it tends to get bored in the bedroom department if every time it is the same ol' thing (missionary).. haha.. buy some sexy lingerie or even costumes.. use whip cream or syrup.. or maybe ice *wink*

Guys, please do not reject your woman if she is feeling kinky.. i had that too many times with my ex and i felt unwanted and un-attractive.. it really got me thinking, what did i do wrong? why didn't he want me? is there other woman? is he gay? is it my problem? so yes, it brings down our confidence level and find ourselves not physically attractive :(

Eight, make sure you are at the same WAVELENGTH.. you have to 'walk' together.. e.g.; when i was with russ, i was stagnant for 4 years.. i was a housewife.. cut myself out from the world, the society.. i didn't know what was happening.. all i know was to take care of him (cook, clean the house, wash his clothes and etc) and spend as much time with him when he was back home.. lil did i realise, i fell off track.. soon he felt that he didn't need to share with me about his work, as he thinks that i won't understand..

What i am saying is, set a goal together.. 'walk' together through the journey.. always check on your partner.. what they think, how they feel, what is their opinion an etc.. be able to hold a conversation and talk about anything and everything.. don't be like the previous me.. living in my own lil world.. 

So yeah, i hope what i stated above could help you all.. you must be thinking, i am not qualify to give 'advices' since my past relationships are a failure, well.. let's just say i've learnt all these the hard way.. i have grown and got mature after the break ups.. learnt my mistakes.. and i hope, i would be able to handle my future relationship in a better way..


Anonymous said...

Just want to share this thought:

Love yourself more, before loving someone else for now. I'm not saying you are not doing so. It's about having a relationship with yourself, before having a relationship with someone else. Imagine to have a good relationship with oneself is already not easy!

By loving yourself, you gain the wisdom and knowledge, it can be as simple as from books, places you visit, information you come across,with proper channels, good people you meet, good health, hobbies, and interests. Do surround yourself with friends with good relationship (deal with themselves well) skills. They can be aspiring too.

When you start loving yourself more, unknowingly, you will "shine" through who you really are, with so much confidence and beauty. And this is when you will start to attract the right one(s).Vice versa, the right one(s) will appear, and you will be attracted too. No more nonsense men. He will accept who you really are, and communication/interest/likings will seem to be so effortless! You don't even have to write this blog post by then! *just kidding, there some points I do agree - i.e having solitude time for oneself - that's loving yourself.

Trust me it works very well. Hope my 2 cents worth advices help.

An anonymous who cares, who didn't know she does, read your blog few times a year since few years ago.
Take care.

:: Nicole.F :: said...

hi! i am so happy to read your comment :D it does really help me to realize there's actually someone out there who does genuinely cares about me *hugs*

well firstly this post of mine is for those lovebirds out there.. i am just trying to give some of my insights on relationships as i have been through hell and i wouldn't want others to go through the same as me

secondly i am not in a r'ship and i've learnt that yes i need time alone to heal.. properly.. i do go on dates but nothing serious as i am not ready for a commitment.. it has been awhile since i really have time for myself and doing things that i like.. it is such a bliss to be able to stay home, cook for myself or friends and also hanging out and catch up with some old friends.. i do go for massages and pedi and mani.. pampering myself and have time alone.. it does feels great! :D

once again, thank u for reading my blog and for your advice :)