Friday, March 27, 2015

am i doing it right this time?

It has been awhile since i last wrote anything related to my personal life and feelings.. the last time i did was way back in 2013 i think.. so does it mean i have become a lil more private person? haha.. waaaait.. i think in Jan 2015 i did mentioned i was seeing someone..

Actually between 2013 and 2014, i took almost a year off from relationship.. i was doing some soul searching and started to be a better person, for myself.. i was thinking back to all of my previous relationships and analyse it, where did it go wrong.. i refused to jump into another relationship when i wasn't ready to commit..

Then along came J.. didn't give much thought about him at first but as we hung out and spent more time together, i realise he's a great guy.. funny guy.. friends asked me to give it a try.. that it's time for me to be with someone, giving me and J a chance as i might not know if he will be the one.. to cut the story short, things didn't work out for us after 5 months.. i was really sad and devastated, partially it was my fault.. i just couldn't TRUST a guy.. i got depressed for about a month; not eating right, stuck at home, was in bed all day and night, staring at the ceiling and etc.. but i was lucky to have friends to talk to.. i bounced back pretty quick and then i realise, probably i didn't really love him..

Soon i was back in my circle of friends.. attended car group gatherings.. i just wanted to meet new people and be the happy-go-lucky nicole once again.. never once expected that after the night of the Skyline gathering, it was the beginning of a new 'journey' for me..

Friends were quite curious how it all started for the both of us.. and each time when i think back, i would have this silly smile on my face.. as though it was just yesterday :)

How it all started was very natural.. after the gathering, he hijacked a post between me and a guy friend of his on fb.. it turned out to a funny post.. then on friday, i saw he posted asking if anyone wanted to go for touge.. as i love cars, eventually i'd ask for 'taxi ride' in my friends car :P so as usual... i asked him!

Coincidentally we both stay quite near, like 10 mins away.. he came to pick me up.. we went up to Starbucks, Gohtong Jaya.. spent a few hours together just chatting.. from that night onwards, we started to text each other everyday and hanged out frequently.. getting to know each other.. things just took place naturally and on one of our usual nights as we were texting each other, the confession took place..

To be honest, i do not know how famous he is in the automotive industry or if he is like a car celebrity.. all i know is that i can be myself when i am with him, he makes me laugh with his silly jokes, we both been through shits, i understand what he went through and we share the same passion for cars..

It has been 3 months now since he popped the question asking me to be his gf.. i must admit, it has been a roller coster.. emotionally.. don't get me wrong.. its not coz we fight or argue.. just that there's something he need to work on on himself.. and i promised him that i would be there for him, through the good and bad..

It hasn't been easy on both of us.. but i just hope we could pull it through.. i do not know where will this relationship take us to.. i've learnt not to put too much expectation.. so i am taking a step at a time.. but of course, i'd want to spend my future with him.. we just got so many things to do together.. the things we planned, the places we both wants to go.. our bucket list.. he once said, i am already in his bucket *blush*

He is the only guy whom i could trust; someone who would actually not bother about his phone when he is spending time with me.. he has no idea how much he means to me.. all i want for him, is to be happy.. again.. genuinely happy.. even if it's without me..

If you are reading this b, just remember.. after rain comes the sun.. and i would be there waiting for you..


shermand lim said...

i'LL always looking forward for this post..after few years of openning (yr blog).finally it pops up..Gud for u..may god bless u..

:: Nicole.F :: said...

thanks shermand for still listening to my ramblings :) i really appreciate it.. my fingers are crossed for this..