Wednesday, October 17, 2007


WARNING: emo post

While i'm typing all this, my bb is on his way to egypt.. this time he'd be working there instead of the usual place in US..

I sent my bb off to the KLIA.. while on the way, the radio was playing 'when you're gone' by avril lavigne.. tears started to roll down my cheeks BUT my bb didn't know (now he knows coz he's reading it)..

When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now


We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah


This song describe just EXACTLY how i feel.. when my bb said his goodbye, i started crying again.. he looked at me and told me not to cry.. he kissed my tears on my cheeks and my eyes.. i HATE myself for not being strong enough for him.. every time he goes away, i'd cry.. i just can't live and go on with my life without him.. i just can't see myself without him!! :'(

Yea, most people who doesn't know me thinks that i married my bb coz of money.. that i'm going after his money.. deep down inside me, i do know so clearly that i love my bb for who he is.. sometimes i just don't know how could someone break my bb's heart last time.. he's such a loving, good hearted, nice, romantic, sweet, good looking guy..

Before my bb left, he asked me not to leave him for another guy.. for sure, i WOULD NOT leave my bb.. not for another guy.. it'd be the STUPIDEST thing i would do.. NO guy could love me like how my bb loves me.. the little things which he did (hugging me to sleep, whispering to my ears telling me how much he loves me while i was sleeping, pecks on my cheeks every now and then, making me smile and laugh, buying me ribena without me asking for it and etc) makes me love him even more.. how i wish i could trade all the things i have so that i could have my bb here with me.. to me, my love for him is un-questionable.. i just love him with ALL my heart.. and i know that he loves me as much..

Now i'm back to where i was before.. before my bb got back home from work.. of all the things that he left for me, the one that i love the most is his smelly dirty t-shirt.. it smells just like him! from tonight onwards, this is what i have to hug to sleep.. aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh~



Anonymous said...

It's so not easy to find someone you love and who loves you equally much. Happy for you on this.

However, a piece of advise from a boh-liao woman: watch out your diet. Can see from photos you are gaining weights recently.

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

I love your life. Spend one mth away from your hubby and then spend another mth straight everyday with him. Good life. Absence makes the heart grow fonder... another 6 weeks than you can enjoy for 1 mth again. How nice!

:: Nicole :: said...

anonymous: my bb has been telling me to watch my weight too.. not that he minds me getting fatter BUT when he's here i put on weight and when he's not around, i lose weight.. so he said it's not healthy that my weight is like a roller coaster.. anyway, thanks for your advice :)

purple~mushroom: i HATE to spend my time away from my bb :( especially saying goodbye to him *sigh*

May Wong said...

Well dear, I do understand how you feel. Each time he goes away, will read an EMO post on your blog, guess thats the least you can do to express yourself. Just a suggestion, if money is not a concern, would be much better if he quit that job, and get a local job that dont require travelling. That way, you guys can be together all the time like normal couples do. However, downside is... well.. cant spend so luxuriously anymore. But if I were you, no money in the world can buy back the lost time, especially the 1st few years of being together.