Thursday, May 08, 2008

cheating?

Everybody cheats.. some cheat on their test paper, some to their parents, some cheat people for money, some cheat when they’re playing games and etc.. but for me, there’s one kind of cheating which i’d NEVER EVER forgive and unacceptable.. the most hurtful one.. is cheating in a relationship.. be it cheating physically or emotionally.. both are just SO wrong to me..

My 2nd ex cheated on me.. when i was younger, i thought.. as long as i don't see him with another girl or as long as he doesn't bring her back home, i'd pretend not knowing anything.. until one day finally, i caught him red handed with another girl.. that totally changed my perspective.. it really hurt so much to be cheated by someone whom i really care so much..

I do not care what are the excuses.. cheating is cheating.. period.. don't try giving 'oh, you're so far away' or 'i'm so lonely' or 'you don't have time for me' or 'she/he threw herself/himself to me' or 'he/she means nothing to me' or 'i need a companion' or 'i just want to know how would it feels like' kinda crap.. they might say 'but i never sleep with him/her' too.. cheating emotionally is just as bad as cheating physically..

Frankly, some people asked me if i've ever thought of cheating since my hubby is always away all the time.. and i can do anything.. basically anything when he's away.. he gives me total freedom and total access to everything.. i always give them the same answer.. that i DO NOT have any intention on cheating.. not even once.. coz i love my hubby alot and i DO NOT want to hurt him in any way.. i know how it feels to be cheated/betray/lied.. i do not want my hubby to go through what i went through.. all the hurtful and shitty feeling.. it feels like your whole world just torn apart.. that you do not know what to do or how to feel or what to believe.. you'd have no faith in your next relationship and it'd take ages for you to be able to trust a person again..

So for those people who are cheating or having thoughts of cheating, please put yourself in your bf/gf/spouse's shoe.. WHAT IF THEY CHEATED ON YOU INSTEAD? how would you feel? *something for you to ponder* also i'd suggest it'd be better if you do not get into a relationship or getting married.. coz you're NOT ready for one.. and somebody will get hurt REAL bad..

In the end, if you really love your bf/gf/spouse you won't want to hurt them right? don't you? so think twice.. for guys, think with your head, not the 'other' head =.=

25 comments:

maitri said...

interesting topic. I was cheated by my bf for a prostitute. do you think he deserves a second chance?

:: Nicole :: said...

hmmm... it's really up to u.. but for ME, it's a no-no still.. he can do it once so means he'd do it the 2nd time..

so, it's up to u :)

Russ said...

maitri, why even contemplate giving him a second chance? Because you can forgive him, right? Ask yourself, why did he go to a prostitute for? And will he ever do it again?? If u have been hurt, and if you can accept it and if he understands how hurt you have been n will never do it again, then you can both start a new. But if u cant accept it, then what else can you do but separate?

The Mrs Blogs said...

You know what, there are alot of ppl out there who think it's okay to cheat, flirt or be cheeky even when they're married! And it honestly puzzles me how they can bring themselves to do such a thing esp when they're commited to someone they claim they are in love with.

anon1 said...

What if you never get caught ? and the side relationship actually improves the main one ? And when you finally settle down with her, you leave the mistress ? that's whats going through my head anyways.

:: Nicole :: said...

anon1: so u mean u're just using the 'other' gf?? hmmmm.. ever thought how hurt she will be in the end when u leave her? and oh, which head were u referring to?? muahahahaha...

Anonymous said...

the dickhead.wakakaka

Anonymous said...

I'm sure your hubby and you won't cheat on each other. you two seems to love each other a lot, and he really seems like a nice and responsible guy (from his blog). SO i think you don't have anything to worry about! heheh My ex cheated on me once too and it hurts damn a lot. So i'll never do that to my hubby too. :)

Anonymous said...

Well I have seen many and many and countless girls and guys cheating on their GF/BF. its seems like something normal here.

Hedonistics Anonymous said...

admittedly, i have cheated (once) and been cheated on. as much as i don't like to regret anything i've done, i don't think i'll ever cheat again because IT'S FREAKING HARD WORK trying to lead to separate lives. in the end i just bailed out and confessed to guy #2 that i already have a bf and he got extremely pissed, but in the end he still didn't want to let me go. argh, it was back to square one.

cl said...

rus & nic, my best friend is getting married soon. she know her fiance cheated on his ex for a whore. he was overseas for short term assignments then. we are worried for her. what will you guys advice her since you are experience in this relationship matters.

:: Nicole :: said...

cl: your best friend knows her fiance cheated before and still wants to marry him.. so it could very well means that she has forgiven him and has put his past behind.. if u really care about your best friend, u could tell her how u feel.. see what she says.. it's really her decision.. if she could put his past behind and proceed to marry him, then maybe u could try to be happy for her? :)

:: Nicole :: said...

hedo: hahaha.. i won't want to lead a double life! :P

cl said...

will you be able to forgive and forget

:: Nicole :: said...

cl: me? it depends on how much i love my spouse.. IF the guy is russ, yea i will forgive him.. coz it's the past.. IF after married, he cheats again then i'd divorce him.. period..

Russ said...

Cl, your best friend's fiancé cheated on HIS EX. He didnt cheat on her. What was HIS EX like? Did she ever cheat on him?

Marriage takes constant work.

A lot of guys in a relationship who go to a prostitute (or prostitutes) have some sort of troubling matters with their current partner. Not all of them tho, as some just wanna see what all the fuss is about, just to experience it once. But mostly are having fights, arguments, or maybe not getting enough physical attention.. there is always a reason for a man to take on the services of a prostitute.

Look at Singapore. Prostitution is legal there. There are legal brothels & girls who get 2 weekly medical exams conducted and given medical cards. Surely some men find their services beneficial, otherwise it wont exist. Most of the guys who go to prostitutes arent married, but also a lot of them are married!! The question is 'why are the married guys going to prostitutes?'. Its only natural for a man, as his animal instincts make him want to spread his seed to many women. But it is the women who chooses to let a man have her.

As for civilized humans, we can live a monogamous life, with one partner throughout a man's life. But its up to the married couple to work towards that. It takes CONSTANT work. You cant just expect a guy not to cheat on a girl simply because he has signed a paper. Its actually not that simple. Same goes for a man. You cant expect your wife not to cheat on you if you're away working for a long time. Dont take your partner for granted. You need to work at it to gain that trust & your partner's commitment.

A man cant be labeled 'BAD' if he went to a prostitute before, especially since he wasnt married. Of course its not a morally correct act, but there is a reason why prostitution exists, and we need to understand that reason before we get married.

If your best friend is worried that her fiancé might cheat on him, then maybe they arent ready to get married yet. But she should know if she is ready to accept him and his past, and start a new, and to journey together- working on their marriage.

If he hasnt killed anyone, or tortured or raped them, or molested any children, then to me, he is just a normal guy, and obviously your best friend sees something special in him. Why not give him a chance?

cl said...

wow!! for someone who believes if a man cheats once, will cheat again you are willing to forgive if the guy is russ. is that love?
i am very much certain you don't need to worry about russ' past, present and future. i am sure he is not a person who cheats, right?
i am sure my best friend is mature enough to choose her life.
russ and nic thank you for advice i can stop worrying.

Russ said...

Cl, i think what Nicole means is she wont forgive me if I cheated on her, but she can accept me for who I am if I cheated in a previous relationship and vow never to with her.

Im glad that we could be of help. Wishing you and your best friend and her fiance all the best.. :)

Russ said...

Damn, I keep pressing the 'publish your comment' button a few times coz the internet on this ship keeps hangging & keep making multiple entries and having to delete them! Sorry bebee..

:: Nicole :: said...

it's ok bb :)

cl: yea.. i can't accept a guy if he cheats on me once.. of course he'd cheat again.. but if it's the past and it's not me.. like what russ said.. then i could forgive him.. as long as he promise not to cheat me :)

glad we could help u out :)

Anonymous said...

Nice topic..well I think cheating is normal. For me atleast if i ever cheat on my GF not Spouse, Only GF i would do it with a girl who has more to offer. NOT A PROSTITUTE DEFINATLEY.hahahaha. Prostitution is Just so Sick, ofcourse i know those women make $$ and live their lives depending on it but i wouldnt want to go for a prostitute...They are for guys who are old have fat belly's, im sure u can spot alot fo them around Jln P Ramlee....hahahaha

:: Nicole :: said...

anon: so u mean u don't mind your gf cheat on u as well with a better guy who has more to offer than u? hmmmm... so means it's an open r'ship then?

anyway, i was at this foodcourt with my mum yesterday having lunch and boy, there are PLENTY of china 'working' girls.. they'd sit with the old men and have drinks with them then *ahem* :P

Anonymous said...

if my GF cheats on me for another guy then it would be clear to me tht she is not loyal and same happens if i cheat on her, she would know im not loyal, and we would most probably break up or have a fight or something like tht.Everything happens for a good reason. But i can tell u this that i can never ever cheat on my Spouse.

Shopaholicfern said...

Russ & Nicole, well said...i like you both coz u're so real and pure and most of all, u understand what true love is all about. i agree, cheating is really bad...for the cheater and the one being cheated to.
Cheers to you both :-)

:: Nicole :: said...

anon: i've no right to say which is right and which is wrong.. coz it's how u view on this topic.. your perspective.. i was just blogging about MY view on this issue :) but good for u that u won't cheat on your spouse :D

shopaholicfern: i'm a sucker for true love :P and thanks for still reading my blog! :D