Saturday, March 10, 2007

how am i coping?

It's 1.02am now and here i am, awake and typing this.. i had my dinner today at about 6pm ish and i watched some tv after that.. not long after that i fell asleep on the sofa! i was REALLY tired.. sigh.. but i did managed to drag myself up and went to take my shower.. right after that, i went straight to bed.. no, this usually doesn't happen to me.. and why did i feel so tired?

My hubby woke me up at about 11am.. we slept at about 6am actually.. we came back home quite late after having drinks with justin at Subang Jaya.. but before that we stopped by 7-11 (convenient store) to buy a small toothpaste for my baby to use offshore.. we took a few hours packing his stuff and throwing away some rubbish.. by the time we finished packing, it was like almost 6am! we slept for a few hours and woke up at 11am..

I sent my hubby to the KL Sentral as usual to take the train to KLIA (KL International Airport).. as i was driving, i didn't talk much but he was holding my hand.. i was moody.. silence in the car.. when we reached at KL Sentral, as usual my hubby kissed me and took his luggage out from my car.. i went out from the car and hugged him.. he kissed me and told me to take care of myself and be a good girl.. i almost cried and i just couldn't let him go.. but i know i had no choice as he'd miss his flight if i keep him any longer with me..

As i was driving home, i cried in the car.. yea, i am THAT weak.. i couldn't held back my tears and i just let it rolled down my cheeks.. i missed him already.. this is the 3rd time he's leaving for work ever since we got to know each other and i haven't gotten use to it..

I came back home after sending my hubby off and i just laid on my bed.. thinking about my baby and automatically i was crying again.. he called me when he was in KLIA.. he came online after his lunch and he called again before he boarded the plane.. tears were rolling down my cheeks again upon hearing his voice.. after hanging up on the phone, i cried again.. crying out loud this time.. i just broke down.. i'm just EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE..

I know i shouldn't be so weak and pour everything out here coz my hubby reads my blog.. he'd be sad knowing that i'm feeling
this way BUT this is just me.. pouring my feelings out and not keep it inside coz i can just 'burst' one day.. as i'm laying on my bed, i feel so lonely.. coz he's not here with me.. now i've to take shower and sleep alone.. usually when i called my hubby, he'd replied me saying 'yes baby?' and i would say 'i love you'.. but all i have with me now is my baby's t-shirt.. like the last time, i hugged it to sleep.. coz i can smell him and feels like he's close with me.. when i called out to him now, there's only silence..

As i'm typing this now, tears rolling down AGAIN! f**k!! i miss my hubby terribly.. how i wish i could have him with me ALL the time.. but he told me he has to work for us and our future.. i told him i don't want the ap
artment or his car or him buying me the 350z.. i can just let all that go coz all i want is HIM.. i just don't know how am i gonna go through this.. i know i have to occupy myself.. i got things to do but for now, this is how i'm feeling and coping on the 1st night without my hubby by my side..

This is me and my loving hubby.. i love him til death.. may death do us part *cheers*

A letter to my hubby...

How are you doing there? do you miss me? i know by reading this post, you'd be sad to know what i'm going through now.. and you'd feel helpless as you're so far away.. i know you want me to be happy.. to live my life as usual and wait for you to come home.. but i'm sorry baby.. not for now.. not these few days.. or maybe a week.. i 'died' when you got out from the car and kissed me goodbye.. i've lost my senses, my directions, my appetite and my feelings.. as you are the reason i feel happy.. memories just flashed right in front of my eyes every time i think of you.. the good and bad times we had..

Baby, all i want you to know that i love you alot and i wish you'd be home soon.. so i could 'live' again.. and don't worry.. i'd take care of myself and try not to let anything bad happen to me when you're away.. promise me you'd too take care of yourself too.. coz i can't afford to lose you.. fark it with the insurance you bought.. all that money without you is just useless to me as i'd trade ALL the things i have, is to have a life with Y-O-U..



Russ said...

Baby, I know its hard for you, since we spent a whole 2 months together this time, and you hardly left my side at all, only when u fecthed ur mum to pay bills & when I went to pass some stuff to Eugene, but in total, less than 3 hours apart (in a whole 2 months!) So, im sure there will be drawbacks, withdrawal symptoms, etc, even for me, the first 2 weeks feels like shit & I just wanna go home..
But be strong and smile, as there is so much more to come..
I love you cute bee bee... XoxxOOxXXxoOxoX!

:: Nicole :: said...

i don't know if i can be strong.. it's just so hard for me.. i know i can chat with u online, sms or even chat on the phone BUT i want to hug u and kiss u.. u being here physically is all that matters to me *hugz*